Contemplation
by Murmurer
Summary: Shinon's taken to a new hobby: brooding. The results? A litle self discovery.


**A/N:** I wrote this one as an apology for "One Step Towards Fame"... I hate how I ended my fanfic. This is what I get for fever-induced writing. Bleh, I'm a bit better now. As is the quality of the fic. Enjoy, Shinon fans! I'm one myself... shhh!

Sarcastic and blunt, selfish and arrogant, anything but a good companion. Or so he'd been led to believe. He knew of his harsh ways, and he preferred the solitude. Admitting his flaws wasn't difficult, for he rarely cared what others thought of him.

The requirement - the single thing he swore to withhold - was his skill with the bow. Swift as a falcon and sharp as a hawk, he possessed a natural talent. Quite honestly, it was the only ability he could call his own. With a single arrow, he could strike down any foe. So deadly a shot, one would think that the others steered clear of the seasoned killer.

And yet, he never failed to attract strange attention. He wasn't quite sure how his friendship started with Gatrie. Perhaps it was due to the pairing Greil set upon them. The knight protected the archer while he attacked. And when the knight charged in recklessly, the archer was there to back him up. The two of them complimented each other perfectly.

Wait, Gatrie was the one who saw it as a friendship. He only saw it as mutual respect. That was all there was to it. Both held trust in one another, and they shared their good laughs. And yet, their personalities clashed far too often, setting ablaze pointless quarrel after quarrel. It didn't take much to rile up one another, and he would never sink low enough to offer an apology - even when the fault was his alone.

_Hold on, why am I thinking like this? He's my friend. He always has been, you selfish oaf. Where in the name of Ashera did this suddenly spring up from?_

He shook his head, trying to cast aside the thoughts. Now then, what other peculiar oddities had he managed to attract? Oh, yes. Janaff, the first laguz he could stand. A first for everything, but he hadn't expected such. To think, he actually enjoyed the bird's companionship. Well, it probably had to do with his curiosity. Something about Janaff always broke through his defenses and shattered his guard. He hated feeling vulnerable, but it was actually necessary at times, so he had learned. Otherwise, how was he to open up to others?

_It isn't like me to brood. I hope nobody catches me... Blast! Wasn't I supposed to teach Rolf something today? Or was that tomorrow? Eh, whatever. Forget it..._

Suddenly he realized that in all the time spent, pondering over meaningless things, he hadn't ordered a single drink. Shinon clutched his forehead and scowled. Perhaps it would be best to simply leave, and give up his spot to a paying patron. His mind made up, Shinon rose from his seat and strolled out of the bar. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as the musky smell of alcohol ceased. Now he had a chance to think things clearly.

Shinon slipped his hands into his pockets and tossed his head back, flicking up any loose bangs. His ponytail flailed in the air, galloping away with the wind swiftly. With a grunt, he crossed his arms over his chest and cursed his luck. The weather never thought too kindly of him and with good reason. He knew it himself; he wasn't cut out for the role of the hero. Although, he probably had the looks for it.

Twenty-seven years of age and not running any slower, he had a fair amount of time left to live life to the fullest. Either way, Shinon saw his glass as half empty. For the longest time, it had been void of everything. And then he chanced upon an opportunity. Shinon didn't remember much of his past, and he could barely recall anything before meeting Greil. The things that meant something to him were the memories he forged after joining the Greil Mercenaries.

All he ever needed was a fatherly figure to keep him in line. Despite the fact that Greil had failed to erase his foul mouth, the man had certainly had an impact upon Shinon's behavior. Greil provided guidance and the occasional praise that kept him going. And who other than Greil could've shown Shinon how to hold his liquor so tightly? He chuckled lightly with a faint smile and thought, _he made me scrub till sundown. I bet it was on purpose. He knew my stomach couldn't handle it. Stupid Greil. I lost my breakfast and lunch._

The smile held its place firmly, pleading to remain. Shinon held no objections. Calmly he continued to walk down the streets, gradually forgetting about the blustery day. Lost in a quiet moment, his attention of his surroundings wavered. Shinon brushed shoulders against a person in the crowd. Feeling in a good mood, he opened his mouth to apologize, "Oh, sorry about--" He frowned and the pleasant feelings evaporated like steam.

"Shinon, uh, hello there." Shinon eyed the _bluenette_ suspiciously. The commander - was it general now? - of the Greil Mercenaries offered a nervous laugh. He found it strange how Ike, of all people, was wandering about in the lower parts of town. This was no place for a whelp like him.

Hastily he snapped, "What do you think you're doing here?"

The reluctant response was, "I was looking for you, if you must know."

Looking for him? In earnest, Shinon had thought Ike to be the sort who avoided associating with folk like him. Then again, if that were the case, what was one to make of Volke? Shinon narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Probably that annoying staff officer again, forcing the company's soldiers to do more legwork. He was a warrior, not a slave!

"And why, pray tell, were you looking for me?"

Shinon watched intently as Ike tossed him an impatient look. His superior retorted, "Listen, I just wanted to talk, all right? I don't mean any offense, but you've been a tad bit out of it lately."

Shinon repeated monotonously, "A bit?" _Yeah, right. More like the opposite._

"Not once in this past week have you corrected Rolf's aim, my stance, Janaff's inquisitive nature, or Gatrie's - quote - stupidity. Tell me with a straight face that there hasn't been something going on." He had to give the boy some credit. A job well done, deducing all of that.

Calmly, with no intent of answering Ike, Shinon turned away and continued to walk. A nudge on the elbow got his attention. Never before had he seen such determination in Ike's eyes. He held back a snarl and mustered up all of the patience he had. Slowly he opened his mouth and answered, "I've been brooding. Satisfied?"

"Brooding? Over what?"

"Things."

"Can't you be more specific?"

"Things such as why Gatrie bothers me so much, why I'm able to open up to Janaff, why I always give in to Rolf, and--" he stopped short. Shinon bit his lip and glanced away.

Ike persisted, "What was that? Go on."

"...and I'm trying to figure out why the hell I hate you so much." That silenced him. Shinon smirked, content with the effect it had upon Ike. Listlessly he shook his head. "Surprise, surprise. I'm just as confused as you are."

"I'll mourn on your behalf," Ike stated abruptly.

Taken aback by the strange comment, Shinon spat out, "What?"

"Rhys once shed tears for me, since I wouldn't cry for my father. If it'll do any good, I can at least pray in your stead. Shedding tears isn't my style, but I can at least clasp my hands together." Ike hastened his pace and looked to the sky. When he realized that Shinon wasn't following him, he quickly added, "If you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave now."

Shinon remained silent. He remained stationary.

It took a moment or two for Shinon to sort things out. He scowled and muttered, "Don't worry, old man. When the time comes, I'll pass it on to Ike. The brat probably has a liver like yours." Shinon rolled his eyes, imagining the years he had yet to live out. Alcohol, he remembered tasting it every other night back in the old days.

_Blast. He'll be the end of me. Ike, that is. Figures. Greil would have it no other way. What have I gotten myself into?_

"Nothing Greil wouldn't have wanted," he reassured himself. "There's no other way than to take small steps, huh. And with a one-sided hate, it only makes me look bad. Bah... goody-two shoes..." He closed his eyes and allowed the crowd to engulf him.

Beginning with a single step, Shinon spun around and started back for the tavern. He paused for a moment. "I don't pray and I sure as hell don't cry, but _I_ _do know how to have a drunken good time_."


End file.
